The same again
by littleleaf89
Summary: A short little onesided AmiMakoto story. Please R


Disclaimer: I don't own sailor moon. And everything else I have to put here.

AN: Ignore the title; I'm not good in inventing titles. Please read & review

Title:

The same again

Days like these are familiar to me. We've already shared so many of them. She knows she can always come to me, turn to me to for comfort or advice, sure that I'll help her.

She's my best friend. I'll always be there if she needs me.

We've spent countless afternoons together in her apartment, me helping her studying whenever she had messed up her grades. I've accompanied her to go shopping when she needed to find new clothes for a date with her latest crush. And I've soothed her during all the nights she came to me crying, because the chosen guy once again had turned out to be nothing but a stupid jerk.

Just like this very evening. I've been reading one of my mother's medical journals when the ringing of the doorbell stirred me up. Wondering who it could be to ring at my door on a Friday evening at half past ten I hurried to open the door.

Outside you stood, tightly wrapped in your drenched coat, your soaked brown hair clinging to your neck.

"Hi Ames" you said with a weary smile.

For a brief moment I must have looked shocked at your appearance. Then noticing that you shivered lightly. I gestured you in. An instant we stood in the hallway in silence before you started to talk. "I'm sorry for bothering you so late, but…" you didn't meet my eyes, awkward. I just took your wet coat from your shoulders. "You know you're always welcome. Now hand me your clothes and take a hot shower. I don't want you to get sick." I firmly told you. You opened your mouth again to say something but I cut you off before you could voice anything. "Mako-chan, you can tell me everything later. Just take a shower now, you're already shivering! I make some tea for us meanwhile." The last part I added with a comforting smile. This time you obeyed and set off for the bathroom. The fact that you came here in the middle of the night, especially in such a horrible weather, meant nothing good. It worried me more than I was willing to show, yet the most important thing right now was to warm you up. Always one by one. I could get the details why you were here later. You wouldn't have come if you hadn't needed someone to talk to.

I've put your stuff in the dryer, laid a shirt and a pair of my mother's pants in front of the bathroom door, then I went to the kitchen.

That's where I am now, in front of the stove, waiting for the water to boil, while my mind comes up with what could have possibly ruined your date so badly. You'd been out with him three or four times, I think and once we all met in the Crown you introduced me to him. A tall, black haired guy named Jun. And though I always dislike the guys one whom you crush, I had to admit he was very handsome. Plus he seemed really nice and fairly intelligent as well.

So what the hell had happened? I wish I knew. What has that stupid idiot done to my angel, that you shows up here all soaked and drained. It hurts me to see you like that. It hurts even more not knowing why you're all upset.

By the time I've placed the mugs additional to some crackers on the table, you return from the bathroom. Your chestnut locks are still wet and tossled, but besides you seem in a little better condition now. Motioning for you to sit down I hand you the mug, settling myself down next to you.

"That'll warm you up from the inside." I say attempting to hide the concern in my voice.

In return I get another weary smile, along with a murmured "Thank you"

We drink our tea in silence. I don't want to push, you've always told me what was bugging you when you were ready. This time it'll be the same, I know.

After what feels like an eternity of silence, you finally look up, meeting my gaze.

"I'm sorry for bulging in at this time of the night." You say again.

"I've already told you I don't mind. I was still up anyway."

You still seem to feel slightly uncomfortable, so I add quietly. "You know my mom's out working this night. I'm happy to have company, especially you." And I mean it.

You grant me a smile, a little one only, but truly happy at my words.

"Ames, I always come to you with my load of problems. You never complain about me, though you'd have it lot easier only sorting out your own stuff. And after all you've done so far I only reward you by doing the same mistakes over and over again. Don't you feel tired off all this?" You've turned you face away before you started, but the bitterness in your voice shocks me. Though I can't see your eyes the must look empty now, empty and bitter, just like your voice. Honestly, I don't know an answer to your question, Makoto.

Sure, I've been to hell and back every time you told me about your latest crush, perfectly aware that I won't ever achieve that loving gaze through your clouded emerald orbs.

The first time when you told me, you were in love, I couldn't place that stinging pain in my stomach. Yet through the years I've learnt to recognize it. All too well, it seems to me.

You tell me you've fallen for guy and the pain in my stomach occurs again.

You tell me how great your first date went and I feel like crying.

You tell me what a good kisser he is and my heart is being ripped out of its place again.

But I never show it to you. I smile at you, telling you how wonderful it is for you to be in love. The tears are forced back, they're only shed at night, in the concealing darkness of mybedroom, where no one can see them.

_Yes, I am tired of this, tired of the pain of unrequited love, tired of crying out my eyes over you all night, tired of pretending not to feel more than a friend. And most of all I am fed up of acting as if I would like your boyfriends. _

But I won't say that.

I'll simply act as I always do. Silence my mind and seal the pain away, just as usual.

I only get up and fetch a brush. Settling down behind you I begin to comb your hair.

Never will I be your lover, but I'll always be your best friend. Therefore I have to act as your best friend, not as a lover.

While I gently brush your silky hair, I know your still waiting for an answer.

"Makoto, what are we best friends for, if you don't want to tell me your problems?" A question in return is not the best answer, your stoic eyes locked to the wall tell me so.

I sigh. "Mako-chan, friendship is nothing to be rewarded for. You are always there for me, whenever I need someone. I'm just the same for you and I wouldn't have it any other way."

I feel your muscles relax, you seem a little more at ease with the situation, though you remain silent. I'm slowly running out of patience, it's time to make you tell, so raise my voice again.

"We can't help who we fall in love with, It just happens." _´How true this is_ Luckily you can't see my ironic grin. "If we would know from the beginning who we are meant to be with, we wouldn't ever be deceived, disappointed, or sad." _Damn right!_ "But we also won't cherish the love we have, because only the pain we've suffered can show us the sweetness of what we have."

"That's really wise, Ames, but every time I fall in love I think this is finally something to last, just to be the fool after two weeks again. My heart has been broken so many times now, I don't know if it will ever really heal."

_´I know Mako, I know. I wonder the same, since my heart broke too, every time you had someone new._

"One day it will. To someone out there you mean the world." I softly tell you. "Now tell me what went wrong with Jun and draw a line. You're worth far more than to cry over that guy."

"Hai Ami-chan." I'm finished with combing your hair and you suddenly lean back in my arms. I pull you close, resting my head atop of yours. Then you start.

"I've told you we would go to cinema this evening, right?" I nod, brushing my cheek against your hair.

"Well, we have been there and at the beginning it was really nice, we ate popcorn, he made some jokes about the film and after a while we uhm, well we started kissing."

At this point you take a deep breath, and I once again feel stabbed.

"But he wanted more, soon he slipped his hands under my shirt. When he started to touch my breasts, I pushed him away. I told him I don't want to take things so rapid, but instead off stopping he forced me into another kiss and made a way under my skirt this time. I:.. I"

You break off sobbing, it has affected you more than you want to admit. I'm shocked, shocked and furious, I swear, if I ever get him, that Jun will pay for what he did to you!

"Shh Mako, it's alright now." I whisper in your ear, rocking you tenderly. For a span of time there is silence, except your small sobs. Then you continue, this time a small wicked grin playing around your lips. "That was enough. I ripped myself loose and sent him straight to the ground with such a blast that he passed out."

I can't help but chuckle, that truly my Mako-chan.

"What happened then?" I ask.

"Dunno, I stormed out after that and to you right away."

"Poor Jun, I almost pity him. Do you think he's in hospital now?" I hope my voice is not dripping with satisfaction. For the first time this evening I get a real smile from you.

"Nah, probably not, but I'm sure he learnt his lesson."

Later, when we both lie in my bed, I watch you. Up on own elbow, so I can better admire your beautiful face. A streetlamp throws in a pale light through the curtains of rain. In your slumber you look peaceful and fragile. Though you cover it up at daytime in your unguarded sleep your fragile heart is obvious. Earlier you've asked me I've I weren't tired of all this and I was tempted to say yes. It's so hard act as I don't suffer pain every time you go out with a boy. Really I want you to be happy. Therefore I try my best to be happy as well when you've found someone new, but it's often so difficult to keep the facade up. There's just no denying that I wish you could share that love with me instead of them.

Looking down at my right hand that is resting between us, just as yours, I smile. You've grabbed it and entwined our fingers before you fell asleep.

Now I know an answer why I'm still not fed up. It's because of moments like this.

It's to me you come running when you're all troubled, in me you confide your sorrows.

Not those guys but me you tell all your secrets and in my arms you feel save.

These moments when I have you for my own, they keep me going on.

Again I let my gaze linger on your angelic features. Maybe it's selfish to wish you would fall for me as I can never give you all the things a man could, though I certainly wouldn't ever make you cry. Never.

Maybe being your best friend is all I can achieve, but I won't ever stop loving you, even if you'll never know. Perhaps someday you'll realize. I shall wait until then. Right by your side, as always. I lean down and place a soft kiss on your lips. You don't stir. I'll content myself with what I get, my love will still be there, when all those guys have left you. My love will last forever.

"Good night, my love." I whisper before I close my eyes.


End file.
